uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
