Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Randomize
