Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
