remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
