Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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