FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
