I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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