sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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