im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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