I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
