I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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