yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
