I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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