I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
