my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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