rhymes with "ouble enetration"
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
