your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize