the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
