found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
