pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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