So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
