Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
