You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
