She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize