You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
