No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I came so hard my ears popped.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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