Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
