The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
