It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
