one word: firstdatebathroomanal
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
you had me at cake vodka
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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