"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
