Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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