I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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