Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
