Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
