i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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