this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize