Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
