am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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