there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She's the barista slut.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
