I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
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I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
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"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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