So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Naked Twister starts at high noon
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
