God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
