The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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