Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
