He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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