it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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