i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
