I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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