So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
