My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm sobbing to NWA
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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