White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
