her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
