I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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