I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
