i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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