he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
