I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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