Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
