Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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