Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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