Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
