the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
