My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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