he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
