u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
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I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
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That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
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