Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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