she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
