Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
