Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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