between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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