I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
