Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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