I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
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