then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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