He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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